How To Get What You Want During Sex

How To Get What You Want During Sex: A Fun & Fearless Guide

Let’s talk about something we all want but often feel too awkward to ask for: amazing sex. We’ve all been there—in the middle of a steamy moment, thinking, “If only they would do that,” but staying as silent as a library mouse. Well, my friend, those days are over! This is your official guide on how to get what you want during sex without the awkwardness, the shyness, or the fear of hurting your partner’s feelings. It’s time to become the master of your own pleasure destiny and turn those silent wishes into glorious, spoken reality.

Forget mind-reading; it’s a skill no one truly has (and if they say they do, they’re probably just guessing). The secret to mind-blowing sexual experiences isn’t telepathy—it’s good old-fashioned communication, self-discovery, and a little bit of fearless fun. Let’s break it all down, because you deserve nothing less than fireworks.

Step 1: Get to Know Yourself First

Before you can tell a partner what you want, you have to actually know what you want. This might sound obvious, but many of us skip this crucial first step. You wouldn’t order a five-course meal without knowing your favorite foods, right? So, why go into the bedroom without a solid menu of your own desires?

The Solo Mission: Think of solo play not as a substitute for partnered sex, but as a vital part of your sexual education. This is your personal laboratory. Take the time to explore your body and pay attention to what feels good—and what doesn’t. What touch, pressure, or pace sends shivers down your spine? What fantasies or thoughts turn you on? This is your safe space to experiment without any pressure or judgment.
Keep a Mental (or Actual) Journal: Start keeping a mental log or a private journal of your sexual experiences. Note the little details: Was it the soft, slow caress or the firm, fast rhythm that made your toes curl? Was it the whispered words or the passionate kisses? This isn’t about being a robotic analyst; it’s about being an expert on your own pleasure. Once you’ve identified your likes and dislikes, you’re ready to share your findings.
Give Yourself Permission to Want: In a world that’s been notoriously quiet about female pleasure, it’s easy to feel like your needs are less important. They aren’t. Your desires are valid, essential, and a key ingredient for a fulfilling sex life. You deserve to have your needs met. Remember, your sexual well-being is a core part of your overall health.

How to Get What You Want During Sex: Communication Is Key

The moment has come: you know what you want, but how do you actually ask for it? This is where many of us get tongue-tied. The fear of making a partner feel insecure or hurting their ego can feel overwhelming. But here’s the fun secret: good communication is a total turn-on. It shows respect, vulnerability, and a shared commitment to a mutually amazing experience.

Choose the Right Time (Hint: It’s Not During Sex) The heat of the moment is fantastic for passion, but not so great for a detailed discussion about your sexual history or a laundry list of new requests. Instead, pick a low-pressure scenario. A casual conversation over coffee, a long car ride, or while snuggled on the couch—these are perfect opportunities. Start the conversation with a general statement about wanting to get to know them better sexually. It’s a way to set the stage without any immediate pressure.
The Power of Positive Framing When giving feedback, always, always, always lead with a compliment. This is the “positive sandwich” method. You start with something you love, introduce your desire for a little change, and then end with another positive comment. Instead of saying, “You never go down on me,” try, “I love how you kiss my neck, but I would absolutely melt if we could add some more oral sex to our play. It would make me feel so desired!” The goal is to build them up, not tear them down.
Be Direct (No Subtlety Allowed) This is not the time for hints or vague body language. Your partner is not a mind reader! Be specific and direct with your requests. For example, instead of saying, “Can you be more rough?” try, “I’d love it if you’d grab my hips more firmly.” Or, instead of, “Faster,” try, “A little more speed, please!” Clear, specific instructions are a roadmap to pleasure for both of you.

How to Get What You Want During Sex: Adding Some Spice and Adventure

Once you’ve mastered the art of communication, you can start to explore and experiment. Remember, sexual compatibility doesn’t mean you’ll never need to talk about what you want again—it means you have a safe, open line of communication to keep things exciting and fresh.

Try Something New (Without Old Baggage) Have you always wanted to try a new position? Or maybe you’ve been curious about a new toy or a little roleplay? Now is the time to bring it up. However, avoid comparing your current partner to past ones. As one expert puts it, don’t say, “My ex used to do this and it was amazing.” Instead, frame it as a shared adventure. “I’ve been curious about trying some power exchange with you, like tying up your hands. Would you be open to exploring that together?” By using a word like “curious,” you invite them into the journey without demanding an immediate yes.
The Toy Talk (And Why It’s a Game-Changer) Many people are shy about bringing up sex toys, but they can be a fantastic way to introduce new sensations and add variety. A 2017 survey even found that people who used sex toys reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction. If it’s something you’re interested in, bring it up with a playful suggestion, like, “I saw this cool new vibrator online that I think we’d have a lot of fun with. What do you think?” read about Sex Toys Designed for Couples
Focus on More Than Just Orgasm While orgasms are fantastic, they shouldn’t be the sole measure of a successful sexual encounter. Expand your definition of “good sex.” Remember that intimacy, pleasure, and emotional connection are just as important as the physical climax. You can ask for more foreplay, slower pace, or even just more intimate touch. By focusing on other goals, you’re not just asking for what you want; you’re building a more satisfying and meaningful sexual relationship.

Your Action Plan: Becoming an Expert in “How to Get What You Want During Sex”

It’s clear that the secret to getting what you want isn’t about being bossy or demanding—it’s about being confident, communicative, and creative. You’re not asking for the world; you’re simply asking for what you deserve.

Acknowledge Yourself: Start with your own journey of self-discovery. Take the time to truly understand your body and desires.
Embrace Your Inner Communicator: Practice talking about sex outside of the bedroom. Use positive language and be direct with your requests.
Be a Partner, Not a Director: Remember that sex is a dance for two. Your goal is to guide and share, not to dictate. Your partner wants to please you, and by giving them the right tools (ahem, clear instructions), you’re setting both of you up for success.

So, the next time you find yourself in the bedroom, remember this guide on how to get what you want during sex. Take a deep breath, let go of the awkwardness, and have the most important conversation of your sex life. The best part? The results will speak for themselves. You’ll be well on your way to a more satisfying, more connected, and more enjoyable sex life. You’ve got this!

Fun reading, consider How Long Do Orgasms Last, Benefits of Foreplay for Her,