Not all orgasms are created equal, some are just better than others, and some people have better orgasms than others, but why? In this article I’ll explain my top 5 ways to have more powerful orgasms for both men and women.
1. Letting go
Although I initially had this one in mind just for the women, most men really need to ‘let go’ during sex as well. (That doesn’t mean let go and come too early, you’ll find out more about stopping that happening below.) In psychology there is a term called ‘going first’ which means that to help another person accomplish a psychological state, you must first be in that state yourself.
This means really letting go and enjoying the moment. If you want your woman to ‘go wild’ then make sure that you’re already there.
Feeling judged, for women is one of the biggest ‘barriers’ to even having an orgasm, let alone a powerful one. What letting go really means is to let go of the fear surrounding sex and orgasm. For both men and women there are three main fears, I won’t go into detail with them here but you can get a good idea of what they are.
Fear of arousing repressed emotions: Sex is inherently emotional and one reason we hold back is that we might release an emotion that we’ve ‘successfully’ repressed, and in the bedroom probably isn’t the best time to deal with it.
Fear of being vulnerable: Sex is great because both parties make themselves vulnerable, both physically and emotionally to the other person. Fear of being vulnerable is a huge one that holds us back, again ‘going first’ with this one and being vulnerable first is a great way to overcome this fear with your partner.
Fear of losing control: Let’s take control to mean a physical sense of control. For men that probably means ejaculating too soon. You won’t really be able to get fully into it if you’re always worried that you might come too soon. Do your kegels and this fear should subside.
For women this is a powerful fear, because a powerful orgasm could mean losing control of your body. Pooping, farting and peeing are all real fears surrounding loss of control. Just keep it in mind that you may not be fully engrossed in the sex you’re having because of this fear, then develop a relationship with your partner where these fears naturally subside because of the trust that has been built. Of course, doing daily kegels definitely helps with this as well.
Everyone knows that kegels help both men and women have more powerful orgasms but almost no one can be bothered to do them reguarly. For men, the daily practice of kegels will mean a stronger erection, better ejaculation control and more powerful ejaculations, both in terms of pleasure and how far you’ll shoot. Men should practice the kegel and the ‘reverse kegel’ which is flexing the PC muscle, but in the opposite direction. The reverse kegel helps with ejaculation control, so don’t practice just the kegel otherwise you’ll have a powerful erection but no control over it.
For women the kegel is an equally as useful sexual exercise. It was initially developed by Dr Kegel to help with problems in women after childbirth; those same muscles will give you more powerful orgasms. If your aim is to eventually reach the big leagues of ‘multiple’ and ‘stacked’ orgasms then go get your kegel on girl. There are tools out there that you can use to give you something to squeeze on, hold and relax the muscles in the vagina, say, twenty times a day, for it to have a good effect.
For men, orgasm is synonymous with ejaculation, it would be super weird to orgasm without ejaculating (unless you are a Taoist and want to circulate your sexual essence around your body instead of ‘spilling it’)
Well women can also ejaculate and this is known as squirting. Although the ejaculation doesn’t contain any apparent reproductive benefit it does significantly heighten the pleasure involved in the orgasm. By many, squirting is considered an act that should be confined to porn sets, but it doesn’t have to be this way. It can be a great addition to a healthy sex life.
Obvious, yet understated being healthy, fit and vibrant generally means better orgasms. Women who do yoga, Pilates and horse riding are well known to have more powerful, more intense orgasms. There’s also the point that bad food and lack of exercise can put your hormones off balance and decrease sex drive.
For men, testosterone drives the need for sex and rigorous exercise and improve testosterone levels increasing sex drive. Men will also want to keep in good shape so that they can ‘go harder and longer’ and also keep in mind that having a beer belly reduces the effective length of the penis.
Of course, being healthy and fit also boosts self esteem which goes back to the point of ‘letting go.’
5. Sexual energy
This is more of an esoteric point than the previous ones because it has to do with ‘sexual energy.’ Men can significantly improve their sexual energy by practicing what’s known as the microcosm orbit where sexual energy is driven around the body using breathing techniques, which prevents it stagnating in the genitals. Women can do the same, but it’s more important for men.
For women, a hugely powerful way to have more powerful orgasms is to have regular ‘orgasmic potentials massages’ which help get rid of tension spots at specific points in the body, allowing their sexual energy to flow much better. This will allow her to have orgasms much more easily, and to squirt more easily. I won’t go into it too much in this article but you can find out more about it here.