Sex and condoms use why? Let me start this with a story –
A good friend of mine, a hot-blooded, attractive, virile, heterosexual male has, like most Europeans would spend a week or two in Southeast Asia’s red light districts and have his fill of exotic beauties. During my interrogation, demanding all nasty little details of his adventure when he got back, I was surprised when he said he’d had sex with some of them, bareback.
How? Why? Whaaaat?!?
To say that I was surprised was an understatement. My friend is highly educated and certainly knows what the risks are. I’m not the type to harshly cast judgement on my friend or with anyone, but at that moment I gravely questioned his sanity.
We all know the risks – STDs, STIs and the of course the dreaded HIV. Why go bareback?
For the uninitiated, the term bareback means physical sexual penetration whether with the vagina or up in the anus.
The slang first became popular (well, at least as far as my research is concerned) in the LGBT community. It originated from the equestrian word bareback which means riding on a horse without a saddle. Barebacking meant foregoing safety, being wild, and having dangerous fun. So therefore in the sexual context, going bareback is the deliberate and conscious choice of vaginally and/or anally penetrating someone without use of condoms.
So why would anyone go bareback? Is it for greater intimacy? Is it because we inherently trust people so much that we assume if they have HIV or STD, they would tell us? Is having a better sensation all worth that risk? And as one psychologist even dare suggest – Is it pathological, a manifestation of a personality disorder? It does seem to be a self-destructive act, isn’t it?
On the superficial level, one might say it is. I mean, how do you go on about justifying risking your life or at the very least, your health for a few minutes of skin-to-skin sex, having “unrestricted” sexual sensation?
The answers are never that easy. And when I pushed my male friend for answers, he grew uneasy and just kind of mumbled the answers. Yeah, all of a sudden, he grew a bit touchy and the once easy, lively chat became slightly tense.
The Thrill about Being Bad
Before we dig deeper into the psyche of going bareback, let’s see what some of the answers why men and women would skip condom use:
– Feels unnatural
“I hate condoms because they get in the way. I simply reject the thought of putting one in my mouth.”
“I want to feel the real thing!”
– Allergic reactions
“Absolutely not! I am deathly allergic to latex. And yes, it does make a difference. There’s nothing better than the feel of the guy’s cock inside you sans rubber.”
– “She was a good girl.”
“She seemed ‘clean’. Besides, their government would regularly require them for a yearly check-up. She showed me her ID.” – Guy who would frequent Thailand’s alleys.
– It is easier to come especially if you have been drinking.
– Most STIs are curable.
– Just doesn’t feel good.
– The fit isn’t just right.
Excitement is a big part of sex. And some are attracted to having that excitement. This can be similar to having sex in a public place or with someone you shouldn’t. The thrill heightens the drama. It is the thought of doing something risky.
One psychologist surmised that oftentimes when we talk about intimacy, we associate it with our emotions. And intimacy can, on a large extent be about vulnerability. Yet the sexual act is not just about putting your emotional vulnerability on the line but on an unconscious level, our physical vulnerability as well. It is a craving that we are not fully aware of.
Another aspect of the sexual act is the ejaculate itself or the cum as we put it informally. One sex expert said that there is little attention paid to just how important this is to many men. They may not realize it or talk about it but cum is more than just a bodily fluid. It is in fact a substance that is powerful and has a hint of mystical essence that goes with it. It is the male’s energy and erotic power. For a man to ejaculate is synonymous to it being a symbol of virility and being sexually alive.
The use of the condom hampers that experience. If you think of it this way, it is a small wonder why men (and even women) forego its use. It is not surprising that sex couples dismiss or tune out the use of safe sex via condoms.
The Conscious Thought
What does cum play in your sexuality? Is it totally and absolutely necessary to ejaculate in your partner’s orifices or be the recipient of it to make yourself and the sexual act feel complete? If you and your partner are both HIV positive, share the same strain of the virus, then perhaps using a condom is an act of futility. If you are STD/STI/HIV negative and you are absolutely sure that your partner is also negative and that you are in sexually-exclusive relationship, then there’s really no rush to wear condoms.
But what if you do not know your partner’s sexual history? What if, just like my friend, you go on an exotic trip, would you really risk the feel of having that powerful experience of sexuality and scrap the use of safe sex practices? What about the risks? How would you know if a particular sexual partner is ‘clean’? Do you care?
I don’t really care if this article sounds a bit sermonizing. I would say that when one risks his or her life at the forefront over several minutes of orgasmic activity, then sermonizing is in order.
Condoms have been in existence for hundreds of years. And they weren’t just for avoiding unwanted pregnancies. The way I see it, there is no comparable level of protection sexual couples can use to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and of course the deadly HIV. It is cheap and with very minimal adverse reactions.